Heather [00:00:05]: When I was a kid. I was probably about five-years-old when I started competing in pageants. But when I was around nine- or ten-years-old, I was sexually abused by an older cousin. And it wasn't long after that I started developing a disorder called trichotillomania. So the person who has the disorder actually pulls out their own hair. And the best way that I can describe it is as a coping mechanism for all the trauma that I was going through and experiencing. Kevin Rolston [00:00:57]: Welcome back to HairPod, the podcast where we dive deep into the personal stories, the struggles and the ultimate transformations of those facing hair loss. I'm your host, Kevin Rolston, and we're here to shed light on this experience so many people share and most importantly, the solutions that have brought confidence back into their lives. If you're dealing with hair loss, remember, you've got a community right here. Follow us on Instagram, and if this is your first time listening, please subscribe to get notified whenever we have new, inspiring stories to share. Our guest for this episode is a beacon of hope for people facing hair loss due to trichotillomania, a disorder that causes individuals to pull out their own hair. Heather Brooke is a therapist, beauty pageant competitor, and children's book author. So whether you're going through your own hair loss journey or simply here to understand and support, we know you're going to find Heather's journey inspiring. Hello, Heather. Heather [00:01:58]: Hi, how are you? Kevin Rolston [00:02:00]: I am doing great. Kevin Rolston [00:02:01]: Tell me a little bit about your... Kevin Rolston [00:02:03]: Hair journey, because you're started in a different place than what most people do. You were doing beauty pageants as a child and you started having hair loss issues. Why was that? Heather [00:02:18]: Yeah, so actually, when I was a kid, I was probably about five-years-old when I started competing in pageants. But when I was around nine- or ten-years-old, I experienced some trauma. I was sexually abused by an older cousin, and it wasn't long after that that I started developing a disorder called trichotillomania. So unlike a lot of people with hair issues, hair loss issues, theirs are usually natural or medical or something. Trichotillomania is actually a hair-pulling disorder. So the person who has the disorder actually pulls out their own hair. And the best way that I can describe it is as a coping mechanism for all the trauma that I was going through and experiencing. Kevin Rolston [00:03:06]: What did that look like? How noticeable was it? How did your parents deal with this situation? Heather [00:03:12]: Yeah, so my journey, it started out it wasn't super noticeable, super quick. I could actually remember the first time that I pulled, and my trichotillomania began with my eyelashes, not from my head. And I was in the hallway at our house, and I had an eyelash that kept poking me in the eye. And I went to a mirror in our hall and was just trying to straighten out the lash and as I was pulling on it to try to straighten it out, it came out. And when it came out, there was like this release. I'm a therapist as well, and so the one thing that I can compare it to is for people who do self harming and cut. There's that release that people get when that happens. And that was kind of what that felt like for me when I pulled that lash on accident. Heather [00:04:06]: That wasn't even intentional, but that sudden release that came, it was like, for a brief moment, all of the stress and anxiety that I had been holding inside was gone. And it almost creates, like, endorphins, like a high, but like any high, you have to continue the behavior to continue to get it. And so for me, that started with my lashes, and it took probably months before anybody ever noticed that. When that became noticeable, I moved to my eyebrows thinking, oh, if I pull from somewhere else, then maybe I'll stop pulling from there. That didn't work. So my parents thought that I was shaving my eyebrows. And it probably wasn't until three or four years after I actually started pulling that I developed enough bald patches on my head, because at that point, I had started pulling from my head that I had developed enough bald patches that it was noticeable. Kevin Rolston [00:05:04]: About what age were you at this time? Heather [00:05:07]: 13 or 14. Kevin Rolston [00:05:09]: And was it your parents that stepped in and said something? Did you hear anything from kids in your school? How was it that it really kind of first came to light to them? Heather [00:05:18]: Yeah. So my grandmother, I believe, was actually the first person who noticed. I always had really long eyelashes, and I had, like, Brooke Shields eyebrows as a kid. And so when my grandmother was looking at me one day, and she was like, what happened to your eyelashes? And I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know why I was doing it and why I couldn't stop. So I was just like, oh, I was trying to curl them with one of those eyelash things. So I lied about what I was doing. And then when I moved to my eyebrows and my parents thought that I was shaving my eyebrows, I just allowed that to continue because I didn't know what I was doing. Heather [00:05:56]: I felt so weird that I was doing this, and I couldn't stop, and I didn't know why. And so it was when I was 13 or 14, I was up really late one night watching a, it was like an infomercial or something that was on television, and it was about wigs. And as I was sitting there watching this infomercial, there was a woman on there who started talking about pulling her hair, and then she started talking about these fake eyelashes and different things. But as she was talking, she said, trichotillomania. And a couple of days after that, my mom noticed a bald patch on my head in the pool. We had been swimming, and I wore at that point, I was wearing I had always had super thick hair, and I think that's one of the reasons that other reasons that it took so long to notice. But I'd always had super thick hair, and so I just got to the point where I was always wearing my hair in a ponytail. But this one specific day, she was coming out of the pool behind me, and my ponytail had moved enough that she could see the bald spot. Heather [00:07:09]: And so when she said something to me about it, I was like, okay, I saw this commercial. I think this is what I have. And I told her, and she said, okay. And so she scheduled an appointment with me to see the doctor that she worked for. And so I went in, he diagnosed me, and then he made a referral to a psychiatrist and put me on some medications, and that was kind of where the treatment for it started. Kevin Rolston [00:07:41]: Even though the trichotillomania was causing some bald patches on Heather's scalp, she never let that stop her from competing in beauty pageants. Heather [00:07:50]: I competed off and on throughout high school, even with my trichotillomania. I competed some years with a wig, some years with glue-in extensions or clip-in extensions. Kevin Rolston [00:08:05]: In between pageants and trying to be a normal kid, Heather started to receive different treatments for trichotillomania. Trichotillomania isn't one of those things you treat once and just move on from. It's a chronic issue that Heather still deals with to this day. Heather [00:08:18]: Yeah, it was a lot. It's still a lot because it's still something that I struggle with, because there's so little research done on trichotillomania, so there's still a lot to be learned about it. And I've actually been part of a couple of different studies that are looking at how genetics can be involved, how other mental health issues can play into it, but there's just so little known about it. So when I was diagnosed, I was put on an antidepressant that didn't help, just made me sick. Then there was points where when I was under really high levels of stress, I would pull more. There would be times where I would pull subconsciously or unconsciously, like I would be pulling and not even be aware until after I had already been doing it, that I had done it. Sometimes it was conscious, so there was a mixture of those, but I tried everything that I could to hide it. By the time I was a junior in high school, I was almost completely bald. Heather [00:09:12]: I had to wear a wig, I’m wearing a wig in my senior pictures. But by the Christmas of my senior year, I was able to let my hair grow out enough that I had this short, cute pixie cut. And it's been more manageable since that point. I still struggle with it, it’s still something I struggle with on a daily basis. And I've tried covering it up, like I said, with ponytails, doing ponytails, doing wigs, wearing extensions, all different kinds of things. And when I got ready to compete for Ms. Woman Colorado, United States, I was looking for alternatives to help hide some of the spots that I had at the time. And I found HairClub. Heather [00:09:53]: And HairClub was actually one of my sponsors, and so that kind of helped a lot with my journey. Kevin Rolston [00:09:59]: Oh, wow, that's so cool. Kevin Rolston [00:10:00]: Tell me a little bit about that. Kevin Rolston [00:10:02]: How did you exactly find them? Just the name popped up and you decided to go. And how did that all come about? Heather [00:10:08]: I was just Googling hair salons that did extensions and looking for sponsors and HairClub popped up. At the time, I'd only heard of HairClub for Men, so I thought that it was just for men. But I did a little bit of research and found out that women used HairClub as well. And so I just emailed them. The manager at the Denver location messaged me back, emailed me back. We set up an appointment. I went in for a consultation, and then the next thing I knew, I was a HairClub client, and they were one of my pageant sponsors. And it was awesome because once I won the pageant, right, I was going to compete for Ms… Heather [00:10:58]: Woman Colorado whenever I got HairClub as a sponsor. And when I actually won the title for the state, I jokingly, with my stylist, was like, I wish I could take you with me to nationals for you to do my hair at nationals. And so they were like, yeah, we'll send her out there with you. So they actually sent her to Florida with me for nationals, and she did my hair for the competition. Kevin Rolston [00:11:31]: Now tell me, with the Xtrands, how does that work with your trichotillomania that you still are trying to recover from? Do you pull out the Xtrands? Is there a desire to do that? Heather [00:11:41]: Yeah. No, actually it's really interesting because I have what I call trigger spots. So there's specific areas that when I'm stressed or bored or not even paying attention, that I pull from. And so what Xtrands does is it covers the areas that are lacking hair, and then my own hair is still used in addition to that. So all of the edges I pull from the sides and the crown of my head. So all of the edges is my hair, and just the crown and the sides is a system that is glued to my scalp. And so I shave underneath the system so that the system fits snug on my scalp. That's just a personal preference. Heather [00:12:27]: Some people don't do that, but I choose to do that. But it covers those trigger spots for me. So I don't typically have the desire to pull anymore. Kevin Rolston [00:12:38]: How about that? And tell me how do you feel with your system when you look in the mirror and you see that you've got a full head of hair and you don't have those bald spots that you had had before? What is that like for you? Heather [00:12:52]: It's amazing. I wanted to cry when I saw myself in the mirror for the first time when they did the reveal, because it had been so long since I had seen myself with a full head of hair. Right. So when I look at myself, like, I don't see the clips from the extensions, and I don't see it's really hard to tell where your hairline is at and where the Xtrands is at. And so it just gives me so much confidence to know that I can do whatever I want to with it. If I want to curl it, I can curl it. If I want to straighten it, I can straighten it. If I want to cut it, dye it, like, whatever I want to do to it, I have those options again. Heather [00:13:34]: And I'm not just stuck with one hairstyle or fixing it just a certain way, because I have to worry about hiding the clips or the different things from the extensions. And so it really gave me back a lot of my confidence. Kevin Rolston [00:14:02]: Listening to Heather today, it's hard to imagine her lifelong battle with trichotillomania stemming from childhood trauma. Now, as a licensed professional counselor, Heather commits herself to assisting those grappling with mental health challenges. She's even authored a children's book on trichotillomania to help young clients facing the same struggle. Heather [00:14:22]: Yeah. So I wrote, “Where's my Hair? A Trichotillomania Story for Children” in 2018. And actually, I wrote it because where I was living at the time, people got to know me as a therapist who worked with people with trichotillomania because of my own personal experience. And so I would get a lot of kids. And so I had this young girl come in, she was 13 or 14, and she was on the autism spectrum, and she was nonverbal, and she started pulling her hair, and her stepmom brought her into me, and she said her occupational therapist says that she has trichotillomania. And she started giving me all of this information that the OT had given her about trichotillomania. And I looked at her, and I was like, the only thing that's accurate about any of that is the name of the disorder. Heather [00:15:18]: And so I use, with kids a lot, books, to help them understand what they're going through, what they're experiencing, that they're not alone. And so I went online and started looking for a book that I could share with her in session, and I couldn't find anything. There was stuff for professionals, there was stuff for adults, there was stuff for parents, but there was nothing specifically for children. So I sat down and wrote my book loosely based off of my own personal experience, and then I sent it to my mom and was like, I'm going to write a book. I'm writing this children's book. Here it is. And my mom likes to draw. And so I was like, will you illustrate it for me? So my mom grabbed some pictures of my oldest daughter and some friends and she sat down and she illustrated the story for me. Kevin Rolston [00:16:13]: Wow. That is so cool. What a great full circle story that you have to share with so many people. What an inspiration. And I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to us. If you had to talk to any other women out there for whatever reason, because hair loss, your story is unique. I don't know how many other people are going to say that they have what you do, but hair loss is something that so many men and believe it or not, so many women are going through. And it's hard to probably hear from another woman that's got hair loss and is open about it. Kevin Rolston [00:16:43]: What would you say to them if they just feel kind of lost and they're listening to this conversation saying, okay, what are my next steps? What do I do? How should I feel about this? Heather [00:16:53]: Yeah, I would definitely say that you are not alone, first of all. We all experience hair loss in some form or fashion and are going to at some point, whether it's from hormone issues, medical issues, mental health issues, medications, all of these different things that we experience and deal with in life can create hair loss at some point. Doesn't mean that you won't get it back. But we all struggle with something. And so the first thing would be that you're not alone. The second thing would be that there is options and whether that is a treatment that HairClub has that will help your hair regrow or you're doing something like I am with like Xtrands+. There are options out there and you just have to seek them out. Kevin Rolston [00:17:55]: We're so lucky to have Heather on the show. Her resilience in the face of her own struggles and trauma and her commitment to supporting kids experiencing mental health issues is such an inspiring story for all of us here at HairPod. If you know a young person struggling with trichotillomania and you want to pick up a copy of Heather's book, you can find a link to it in our show notes or search for “Where's my Hair? A Trichotillomania Story for Children” on Amazon. Thanks so much for listening to Hairpod. If this episode made you think of someone you know who needs to hear this story, consider sharing it, for before and after photos of our guests and other announcements, check us out on Instagram. Until next time.